“As guys, we often say we're OK with the situation to put on a brave face, when really we're anything but,” adds Callow.
“Any hesitation or lack of certainty in your friend's tonality? Even if you really like the girl, “if your friend isn't cool with it, I'd still recommend holding back.” At the end of the day, dating a friend's ex is going to be tricky territory all around. If you can't, be prepared for potential complications and be realistic that you might lose a good buddy.
Sometimes it’s good to give each other a little space, but realize that it’ll not necessarily make the other person want to come back into the relationship. ”If you feel completely stuck after “no contact” or your ex does not respond after several attempts to re-establish contact, chances are you may have done too much damage to the relationship by doing “no contact”.
It may even make them realize they’re better off without you. So before you go “no contact” ask yourself the important question, “How do my actions right now help/hurt me later?
“This is not an episode of Friends where everything seems to magically work out, despite love triangle after love triangle,” says Valmont. It's fun while it lasts, but the devastation it leaves after is not so pleasant.” So maybe step back from Sally, and go find a Jane, or Becky, or anyone else that isn't your friend's ex.
This week she again decided she needs to figure out if I am the one for her. Almost everyone else out there is advocating emotional distancing and defensive detachment, I am advocating emotional connection, communication and healthy attachment because at the end of the day, it’s all about how your ex feels about you and about the relationship that persuades them to come back. How would you feel if someone uses your own insecurities against you? Even when your ex comes back because they felt rejected and abandoned, they will leave again because the reason they returned was not because of you.
They get used to not having you around and that becomes their new normal.
You coming back to their life interrupts the new normal, and people in general do not like uncertainty. This is just my humble opinion based on years of experience reuniting couples.
Almost all of them maintain some level of contact, even those that don’t intend to get back together.
There is just no need for abruptly ceasing all communication.